Ep. 07—Finding Your Values
“Daring leaders who live into their values are never silent about hard things.” Brené Brown.
If you have been to any of my in-person workshops or sat in my courses as a university student, then you know I always start in the same place--with your values. It has always been a natural starting point for leaders because leaders make decisions every. single. day. And my job, as an educator passionate about connecting your ideas to action from a place of deeply integrated leadership, means that I need to show you how to create those maps for yourself. Brené and many others in the values research have called them your “north star” meaning that values are the guiding principles that impact your attitudes and behaviors.
Here is the thing, what we believe is so deeply entrenched in us that we often don’t have language for how we feel or why we are behaving the way we do. Let me put that into more scientific terms thanks to Simon Sinek being brilliant at communicating how leaders work: The limbic brain (the part of our brain that controls decision-making is not the same part that controls language. It’s why we struggle to rationalize or explain those decisions made quickly and attributed to “gut instinct.” It’s how implicit bias impacts behaviors that we are completely blind to.
So, when we are looking to change habits or develop new behaviors, we have to move those nudges in the decision-making part of our brain to the other part of our brain that controls language and gives us the ability to explain why we do what we do. Now you see why naming your values is important-- so that we can explain why we are making the decisions we are making to ourselves and others.
Want to know how to identify your values? Here is a micro-lesson I did on instagram to pick your values or pick up Brené Brown’s most recent book, Dare to Lead, because she has a very similar version of the activity.
In the activity, you begin to identify what’s important to you by looking at a list of values, figuring out those which you identify most or feel drawn to. Think about past relationships you have had and how a fight or disagreement may have been rooted in the other party not valuing the same thing as you. You may feel hurt if someone is in opposition to a value of yours. I also tell leaders to look at the recent decisions they have made.
A friend invites you out for coffee, but you also really want to finish a project you started last week. If you choose coffee, a top value may be connection or community or friendship, and if you choose finishing the project, a value may be loyalty, or creativity, or achievement.
We look for clues to our values in the ways we have made decisions in the past.
Here is the thing, you need two values that you hold in your hands and that you can recognize when your values are being pressured in a process. The original research I used when I started doing this activity showed that two is memorable. Brene’s research showed a correlation with practicing courageous behaviors and having only 1-2 values.
And I’m going to spoil this for some of you who haven’t done this with me before, but most of you listening have likely done this activity with me-- but you know I make you take a big list and narrow it down to 8 (which is already hard for a lot of you) and then eliminate a few to get to 5, then 3, and finally to 2 core values. But doing the process this way allows you to see your processing. The first question I ask when you have your 2 final values is, “How was that experience for you?” and in your response, we find it was:
Difficult--because you were putting language to something you cannot describe but feel so deeply in your bones.
Ok--once you realized that you reframed your definition of the word itself
And we call this “bundling” because you take the feelings and beliefs that you value most and begin to see how they are intertwined or embedded into one another. Often, friendship, family, and even spiritual values are rolled up into one word LOVE. You choose how to bundle, you choose how to define those words, you choose how the experiences of your life define and transform you, and those words that make up your values have incredibly profound meaning to you, dear leader.
When I do this with entrepreneurs, they are really good at it. Because their company is an embodiment of their values--they poured their blood, sweat and tears into an idea that likely was created out of their values and then is infused throughout their mission and work.
Similarly, a leader who has found alignment with their organization will lead more authentically because their integrity runs from their veins straight into the heart of their work. And when you lead from those values, you add integrity to the team.
Values matter because they guide decision-making and influence attitudes and behaviors. Do you know your two core values as a leader? And if you do, I want you to take the time to reflect:
How will I integrate these values into my work and leadership now?
Why does that matter most to me?
Cheers!